wilfred sux

hah... i dunnoe.. i mus b dumb or sth.. sometimes or rather all e time..

i dunnoe y e hell m i involved in velocity...

so much for helping my friends... oh well.. a friend in need is a friend indeed.. yeah ..

dun understand y m i doin things n carrying out events tt i think wont work well.

coz.. 1st it was nvr a good idea to open to sch.. i tink its quite impossible.. further more it clashes wif some soccer thing.. so rockclimbing or soccer.. which is more popular.. in nyp? u noe e answer.... this idea thanks to wilfred e short man.

2nd.. everybody is taking this not seriously... except ..

3rd... adventure club pple themselves are not ON.

4th.. working under wilfred's nose.. thought o it simply suCKS.. i hate him! he is one bloody man.. hu loves adventure but hate rockclimbing... i dun care if there is a new wall coming up or anithing.. wait till its built ok.

5th... i dunn see y a person no longer in adc is more active in this event than those still in adc.. bloody hell.

6th.. stupid mouth o mi to agree to help out.. hmmmm... forgot tt things are no longer e way it is... damn.................................

7th..... i hate it when things done half way... done smoothly.. n pple wan to continue wif it... like SO irritating! hmm tt is no issue or no finger pointing to anione... pity.....

8th i m so bloody fake.

9th.. so hard to keep telling pple this n tt.. pple jus nod their head.. n progressss is dead slow.. or not moving at all.. i like.. instructions given.. snap ur fingers n go.. if u dunnoe.. ASK!


10th.. i hate pple hu give their promises but nvr fail to accomplish them.. wat e hellll

all in all.. it contributes to WILFRED SUCKS... dun ask mi y i jus hate e sight n e thought o working under him!! tell wilfred to read this blog i care not a lot.. coz.... i m speaking e truth tt i dislike him.. u ! yes u !

hah.. feel great writing it down... hmmm ever since i stopped my diary writing since i was back in germany.. too much feelings to pour it out.... cant always pour to komeng.. he b asleep before i reach half of it... poor him... so tired..

but events n things n pple always huf a way to brighten oneself up... :)

i may huf nothing in my life.. but i huf my family n komeng... :)


i cant imagine if one dae i live wif e thought o not having my family in my life...

wat do i do .. wat can i do if i dun huf komeng by my side.. in my heart in watever things i do..

thanks to them tt i m here todae... able to complain abt everything in e world... being so so complacent... n yet they will still love mi no matter wat... i dun see this as like.. being a spoil brat or some manja gal.. coz... family n hafiz is part o my life... without them... i dunoe how to live.. i dunnoe how to do my activities of daily living... not to mention on bein complacent.. wats being complacent by then?

komeng's bdae is comin up!
so excited!! next up is social nite.. (i dun wan to go) shy ah...
next up is our 2nd yr anniversary... oooo more exciting.!!

k... tmr marks e 3rd week o prcp.. veri soon.. its gonna b a mth.. it looks like we jus started yesterdae!! woohoo! veri soon. it b e 2nd month... by e 3rd month to look forward to anniversary... when our anniversary ends... wif new growth of love fountain showering its wonders to all pple wif love... it actually highlight tt prcp is coming to end.. in no time!! goodness!!! i m .. so exhilarated!! SPo2.. 95% alreadi.. heart rate 123! respi 30 breaths per min..
asthmatic atttack on e way... somebody.. sabutamol wif normal saline via face mask thro. compressed air pls administer to mi now!~

alrite.. to bath.. pack my bag... get my mattress cover in n way o dream o baby little hafiz! i love u ! muacks!! happppppppppppy 1 yr n 10 mth anniversary! wah!!!! m i dreaming or wat hafiz!! how is this possible!!!

i m crazi.. now.. read e top o my entry n read e end ... i m MAD!

2nd week o PRCP

mondae: alert :)
tuesdae: less alert but still observant :/
wednesdae: less oriented , weary :S
thursdae (todae): shagged :(
fridae: unknown

y do i always get so worn out during attachments.. i m like.. hmmm so tired n irritated tt i dont wan to go for my napfa test tmr.. coz i b half dead.. like NOW.

i call saturdae n sundae my rehab daes... where i SLEEEP!

but soon those daes will b gone.. i b working for 8 hours in a freezing ward.. where u forget to drink water coz its jus too cold.. then ur lips starts to crack.. then u find urself veri heaty n uncomfortable in a freezing ward... then u fall sick..

my GCS : still 15.. but i dunnoe for e upcomin weeks..

i dunnoe y i m working so hard to set routes for velocity.. i m wasting my afternoons where i could rest.. i m shagged.. wahahaha i dunnoe why i wan to help out wif some club tt i dont love.. at all. wat m i trying to prove? onli i myself noe... realli?

i noe y i m here writing all these... i m tired... i shall not set routes todae.... or tmr.. or e dae after next.. or ani daes to come.. thinking o working under wilfred's nose.. makes mi wanna puke.. n mind u further.. i m sick .. bleagh!

gone. ! plus miss n missing n missed u

midst oo everything..

i m currently in e midst of reading up some lecture notes.. when i thot i shld reflect my working styles, learning attitudes and level o determination in doin things..

i m veri half hearted... my mind is not all on working... my mind will switch off when i realize my hands are free frm tasks. i fear o pple asking mi qtns.. coz i m not knowledgable enough.. though i fear.. i nvr pick up my book n do some research, neither do i search the internet for info nor open my mouth to ask.

i realised or rather i felt when i work .. pple are looking at mi.. pple more experienced/senior are looking at mi.. i felt intimidated. i dunnoe if i m doin e rite thing tt they would expect o mi to do. i huf no style o my o own. y? becoz i do not read up do not update myself wif e latest knowledge. so no knowledge = no foundation = no principle = no own working style tt adheres to appropriate tasks.

now considering my attitude.. y no knowledge? coz i m LAZY. so i dun huf knowledge. i dun bother to read up! i spent my free times out o e house.. not to e library.. but to climb.. to pool.. to cycle.. to play... to meet my friends and boifriends. ppple mus b thinking u shld relax urself sometimes. but i m too relaxed. i kept thinking tt a lot o things mus learn wif lots o practice.. so i do not touch theory much.. y? coz we huf been doin years o theory alreadi.. i m sick it. haha weird isnt it.:)

level o determination now.. whenever i try to do some reading up... like NOW.. i m actually here bloggin n toking rubbbish... instead o reading up seriously!
wat e hell...

rubbish jas... irritating!
i got so mani things to learn n revise.. to refresh my memory and enhance my working capabilities:)

EDH SDH EVD lumbar drain CLC stroke haemorrages laceration decortication decerebration 12 cranial nerves frontal to occipital lobes right sided and left sided paraylsis semi conscious confused comatosed CNS neurons spinal injuries blah blah blah...

tt is how much i m lacking behind.. will i ..? start now?? i dunnoe:) jas.. help urself:)

i jus knew nobody will noe abt tis..

this entry is for myself.. i want to do e reflection thing.. this 2 weeks holidaes huf been a .. slackin n i cant b bothered holidaes.. i huf dumped everything to e dustbin or where ever i can dump it.. so tt i dun need to tink o anithing..
but i tink its jus pure normal human beings of us..
e more things we dump behind.. or wanting to forget it for a while.. other matters will arise n make u tink o it..
n there u thought u could totally relax ur mind n not attack ur brain cells to tink o matters.. but NO. human beings nvr rest e moment they were conceived.. they waste their time growing.. wasting their time looking for things.. waste their time to work towards their goals.. waste their time to solve problems waste their time to solve n help others problem.. whereever u are.. HUMAN BEINGS nvr stop thinking n working!! i mean nvr stop.. can be things like.. n can b relaxing during ur holidaes.. but u CAN be busi eating!! busi thinking what u WANT to
eat for the dae n tmr.. n daes to come!!
this is life n HUMANS!


n poor poor komeng.. everytime he booked out i m sure he wants to see mi happpily n we are able to spend happy times together.. but i always wiill pour watever shit i huf in this week or watever to him when we meet.. i feel tt i huf to.. coz i wan him to noe what i huf been doing in my life even though its e suckiest thing on earth.. i feel so bad.. i wan him to noe how i had been feeling e past daes tt kind o thing.. sometimes when things dont huf a solution or wat.. i sulk.. n didnt bother to gif him more tender loving care.. awww.. i m such a bad girlfriend:( i noe tt its ok to share ur thoughts n watever wif e other half.. but if u always hear boring stories u get bored n fed up one dae.. same to hearing demoralising stuffs. u get demoralised too.. i m so afraid komeng starts to feel demoralised too!! hahaha he cant! coz he needs lots o motivation now! in his training n all! n i wan to be there!

hopefully works come along.. n i start to get bz all over again
then when things become smoother.. i get used to it..
oh come on jas.. i noe u dun wan to grow old.. but cant b helped...
grow old or die.. i choose to grow old for now..
coz i still believe e world
is beautiful..
coz i huf u .. komeng :)

i love u !

P.S: i assume nobody is reading this.. dun let mi noe ok. :)